Thursday 24 April 2008

Still Breathing

Neither floating nor sinking, my body is still
Although the water ebbs and swells around me
I’m supported in peace beneath the surface
But held vulnerable in the limbo of my memory
I see clearly under here, the water like glass
Faultless sapphire as your eyes were years ago

You were innocent when you tried to help me
Taking the gift of my trust without fear
Did you turn the stones on purpose?
You will never give me your whole truth
But held power knowing it was mine
As I lose myself in destruction to stay alive
My landscape of love, my landscape of fear

A slate-walled quarry, the scale too impossible
Beauty in nature but dramatic depths deadly
An asp in almond blossoms and honeyed lilac
Too far to fall before immersed in the blue
Then those flawless facets explode around me

Remembering the tumult of wind on the ridge
Where the edge held power and the valley had peace
White clothes billow; fill with air then cobalt waters
Long hair streaming and I don’t care if I’m drowning
It could be my screaming or the wind racing by
Rushing, rushing, desperation or relief or safety
For all that I know it could end right here

Liquid released, let the pressure go
The shining silver of a knife
Red flowers released in a pool, Ophelia dies and is free

I touch the white urn at the centre of the stones
Dream an underwater courtyard where I can be free
Fresh roses spiralling through the clarity
Bleed red into the water that sustains and drowns
Shimmering silver fish flash like swords
Like knives…the beauty of the shining blade

Protection and destruction both, yet nothing at all
My love, my death, my destiny, my destruction,
My Guinevere
My spinning-wheel, my rose, my poisoned apple
I open my eyes to the drips to the floor
I’m still breathing and that’s what you want, how can I give you any more?

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